As Jessica Sees It…

Unspoken rules: every culture, class, family, organization, and person has them.  They are those things we just take for granted, as if everybody does it [or should do it] this one [correct] way.  They may seem unreasonable to others, especially if others’ rules are different, but for better or worse, they are the rules we tend to live by and get offended over, when someone breaks them.  Whether we know it or not, we tend to staunchly defend them.

I’ve begun exploring the unspoken rules I’ve accepted and implemented in my life, whether aware or unwittingly, in order to choose whether to keep, alter, or discard them.  In the process, I’ve learned a few things about where they came from, how I adopted them, how they are useful, and how they may be problematic.  I have a few blog topics in mind, which I’ll write and post later, about some of my unspoken rules.  In the meantime, these are a few of the unspoken rules I came up with from my life.  I’d love to hear some of yours.

Walk on the right side of the stairs, hallway, sidewalk.

Use phrases like “excuse me”, “pardon me”, “thank you”, “I apologize”, “I appreciate ___”  often.

Negotiate for more.

Be served when you are a guest (but always offer to help, and mean it), and serve when you are a host.

When a conflict arises, defend the ones you love (whether you agree or not).

Acknowledge when someone says something to you.

Anticipatory excitement makes most things better.

Existing groups should welcome new members.

Plan ahead.

Being caught off guard is not a tragedy, unless it is a tragedy.

Consider the needs of others when your plans include them.

Hold open the door for the person coming in behind you.

The artistic feature on our kitchen calendar this month is a collage of photos of garbage called Self Portrait as revealed by trash by Tim Gaudreau. I love this one! The artist took photos of every item he discarded for a year. Of the 5,000 photos in all, he selected a few, most representative of himself and formed a collage he dubbed his self portrait. I thought how true?! I had never really considered what story my trash may tell about me. Then, I thought, wait a second, this man had 5,000 images, and he chose only these 25 or so. That got my attention. I wondered what was so special about these images that he would choose them for a collage, to the neglect of others. So, I started looking for stories, themes, or whatever the items might have in common. I mean he did after all select these items specifically from 5000 for this piece, so there must be some reason. I took this self portrait at its word, that it is truly representative of the man… or at least representative of the way this man wants others to see him. I learned the guy eats a lot of convenience and junk food, had some nasty looking shoes to throw out, and that there must have been some major relationship issue, since it appears that he threw away a wedding ring?! Then, I noticed he had three condom wrappers on there, which made me wonder, why three? I mean, isn’t one enough to portray that he’s a responsibly sexual being? He sacrificed two other images in this piece, for the sake of putting three on there… I can’t help but wonder why. Maybe he wanted us to know the amount of time he spent having protected sex as compared to the amount of time he ate ice cream that year? I dunno, but this stuff intrigues me. And, why in that order? They do seem to be strategically placed in the collage. Then I noticed three Snapple bottles, to which I almost assumed there was nothing to my curiosity… he probably just selected these somewhat randomly. Nah, this is his ‘self portrait’ I rationalized, he must have selected these. But then, I suspected placing three of these bottles was compensatory, like perhaps there is an agenda in one of the items, but to protect the mystery, he can’t reveal the intentionality by overstating it alone …  but maybe I’m just over-thinking it now.

I wonder what my own self portrait in trash would look like. It’s funny, I thought about that every time I went to the trashcan this week. I’m sure the fascination will go away soon, but it’s fun to think about. And yeah, I did get the eco statement in the piece, but the content of it was far more interesting to me.

The piece on our calendar is the first image on this page, if you’d like to view it too.

I resumed blogging today.  With so many thoughts swirling around about the pressing social issues discussed of late and the human behavior research I’m studying in school, I thought I’d start sharing my perspective online for the feedback of anyone who cares to read it and provide theirs.

If we haven’t talked in a few years, you might benefit from this preface: my social and political perspectives tend to range from conservative to liberal, but usually moderate.  We may differ, yet I would like to know your perspectives too.  I do believe in God.  I pray, I read the Bible,  and I do accept empowerment from the Holy Spirit.  You might read about those experiences.  I am a Christian, but I am an aspiring counselor and family therapist, so I tend to be a little more accepting of the messiness of humanity than Christians stereotypically are.  We agree on the big stuff, but my husband’s viewpoints are not always mine.  One marriage, two critical minds are much better (and much more fun) than one (and definitely better than none, but I won’t go there, yet).  I am a wife, sister, daughter, student, friend, and an in-law, a future counselor, a future mother, and many other things, but I am primarily a human with a range of human thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  I will share my humanity with you and I hope you get to know me primarily this way.  In return, I hope you will share your humanity with me, honestly and, if you dare, with the same vulnerability.